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FUN REFLECTIONS ON LIFE!
From Jackie Conn Harbuck
1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin
unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no
pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots
wore helmets.
5. Do you think illiterate people get the full affect of
alphabet soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been
more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at
you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the
window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot,
but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea
where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out,
I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody
stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three
of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some
form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If
they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think
if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe
your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and
they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I
think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her
on the walls.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede
jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that
jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now
I'll have to kill you too."
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy
Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan
Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
From
a classmate
REMEMBER....
When the worst thing you could do at
school was smoke in the bathrooms, flunk a test or chew gum. And
the banquets were in the cafeteria and we danced to a juke box later,
and all the girls wore fluffy pastel gowns and the boys wore suits for
the first time and we were allowed to stay out till 12 p.m.
When a '57 Chevy was everyone's dream
car. . . to cruise, peel out, lay rubber and watch drag races, and
people went steady and girls wore a class ring with an inch of wrapped
dental floss or yarn coated with pastel frost nail polish so it would
fit her finger.
And no one ever asked where the car keys
were 'cause they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors
were never locked. And you got in big trouble if you accidentally locked
the doors at home, since no one ever had a key.
Remember lying on your back on the grass
with your friends and saying things like "That cloud looks like a..."
And playing baseball with no adults to
help kids with the rules of the game. Back then, baseball was not a
psychological group learning experience-it was a game.
Remember when stuff from the store came
without safety caps and hermetic seals 'cause no one had yet tried to
poison a perfect stranger.
And...with all our progress...don't you
just wish...just once...you could slip back in time and savor the slower
pace...and share it with the children of the 80's and 90's ......
So send this on to someone who can still
remember Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, Laurel & Hardy, Howdy Doody and The
Peanut Gallery, The Lone Ranger, The Shadow Knows, Nellie Belle, Roy and
Dale, Trigger and Buttermilk as well as the sound of a real mower on
Saturday morning, and summers filled with bike rides, playing in cowboy
land, baseball games, bowling and visits to the pool...and eating
Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
When being sent to the principal's office
was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at
home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives,
but it wasn't because of drive by shootings,drugs, gangs,etc.
Our parents and grandparents were a much
bigger threat! But we all survived because their love was
greater than the threat.
Didn't that feel good, just to go back
and say, Yeah, I remember that!
And was it really that long ago?
COMMENTS HEARD IN
1957
from Betty Sutton '57
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are,
it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year?
It won't be long before $5000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A
quarter a pack is ridiculous."
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a
dime just to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to
hire outside help at the store."
"When I first started driving, who would have thought gas
would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off
leaving the car in the garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be
wearing their hair as long as the girls."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever
since they let Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone
With The Wind,' it seems every new movie has either "hell" or
"damn" in it.
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's
possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century.
They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for
it down in Texas."
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a
contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't
surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the
president."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances
would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters
now."
"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few
married women are having to work to make ends meet."
"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to
hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood
stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door
to a whole lot of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the
Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder
if we are electing the best people to congress."
"The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I
seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a
weekend. It costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the
hospital is too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
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Songs We Relate
With
and recording artist or classmate who
nominated them.
( serious and silly )
Send
in your nominations |
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Top
Ten Rock Songs For Folks Over Fifty
10. Let's Get A Physical
9. Ain't No Burrito Mild Enough
8. Johnny B. Olde
7. How Do You Mend a Broken Everything
6. The Lack O' Motion
5. Hair Potion Number Nine
4. Doctor My Eyes (And Ears and Joints and Back and...)
3. To All the Girls I've Disappointed Before
2. A Hard Day's Nap
1. Knock Knock Knockin' On The Bathroom Door
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~ Phillip Calma |
If You Need a Fool, I Know One
- by Jim Reeves |
~Bill Clinton |
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Oh I miss me, How I miss me, at your house last night" |
~George Jones |
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Old Time Rock & Roll - Bob Seger |
~Carolyn Layne Armstrong '62 |
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Dumb Song
" I Just Took a Trip to Heaven... and Didn't Even Have to Die "
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~ Freddie Hart and the Heart Beats |
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" I'm Hongry for Yo' Love, and
I'm Waitin' in Your Welfare Line " |
~Buck Owens |
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"
Nothing is Sweeter than Naked Emotions, so You Show
Me Yours, and I'll Show You Mine" |
~ Chris Christopherson and
Jessie Coulter from Roland Monette |
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" You Send Me "
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~ Sam Cook from Judy Livanos Pittman |
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Dumb Song "Y'all Come" |
~Big Jim Folsom |
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" I've Got
More Than You Know What To Do With " |
~
Toni Braxton |
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Dumb Song
I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me than
Have a Frontal Lobotomy |
from Mary Lu Nelson Johnson '57 ~ heard on
the radio in Atlanta. |
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Drip, Drip,
Drippity, Drippity Drop |
Clyde McPhatter &
the Drifters |
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Slippin' an' a
Slidin', Peepin' an' a Hidin' |
Little Richard,
1956
and Gerald Sanders |
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Dumb Song
If Finger Prints Showed Up on Skins, Wonder Whose I'd Find On
You ! |
~Freddie Hart and the Heart
Beats |
If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It
Against Me
and
Dumb Song If You Want To Keep The Beer Cold, Put It Next To My
Ex-Wife's Heart |
~ Joe Carroll '60 |
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Dumb Song
I Saw His Love All Over You |
~ Artist fortunately forgotten |
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All My EX's Live in Texas |
???? |
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You Can't
Have Your Kate and Edith Too |
~ Wayne Littlefield |
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Dumb Song Take Ya
Tongue Outa My Mouth, I'm Kissing You Goodbye |
~Judy Livanos Pittman '62 |
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If You
Can't Feel It, It Ain't There |
~Freddie Hart and the Heart
Beats |
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Dumb Song
My Dog
Likes Your Dog |
~Hard Rock Gunter of the 1950s
Happy Wilson Show on WSGN Bham |
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Loving Her was Easier Than Anything
I'll Ever Do Again |
~Chris Christopherson |
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Crazy |
~Patsy Cline |
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Dumb Song
Take Me in Your Arms and Saaaay, OOoooohhhhhh... Let's Go Aaaall the Way |
~ Artist fortunately forgotten |
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Song Favorites from the
George Nelson '55 Collection
All I Want From You (Is
Away).
All My Exes Live In Texas
Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart?
(courtesy of Michael)
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump
(courtesy of Barry)
Bubba Shot The Jukebox
Cow Cow Boogie
Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter (courtesy of
Scott)
Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind by Tammy
Wynette (courtesy of Hamp)
Don't Squeeze My Sharmon.
Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goal Posts Of Life.
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Go Back To Texas and Cheesey French Fry Lake (thanks,
Laura!)
Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again (courtesy of
Susan)
How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me?
(courtesy of Dan)
How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away? (courtesy of
Charles)
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know
I've Been A Liar All My Life?
How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
I Don't Do Floors
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me (courtesy
of Charles)
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart (courtesy of
Charles)
I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A
Spade (courtesy of Bruce)
I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger (courtesy of
Maureen)
I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My
Pillow Over You.
I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your
Welfare Line (courtesy of John)
I Got Through Everything But The Door
I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You (courtesy of Charles)
I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up.
I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
I Still Miss You Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better
(courtesy of Eric)
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of
Dan)
I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
I Wanna Whip Your Cow (courtesy of Charles)
I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If
I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave
Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz (courtesy of Zev)
I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like
Me) (courtesy of Mick)
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
(courtesy of Charles)
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd
Win (courtesy of Charles)
I'd Like You a Whole Lot Better if We Slept Together
(courtesy of Dan)
I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing
(courtesy of Mike)
I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On
You.
If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On
You (courtesy of Charles)
If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me (courtesy
of Mick)
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low (courtesy of Charles)
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
(courtesy of Charles and Ray)
If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I'd Sneeze Them All Atchoo!
(Another version of the
title)
If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the
Train (courtesy of Phil)
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
If The Phone Don't Ring, That's Me (courtesy of Carol)
If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It (courtesy of Betsy)
If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?
(courtesy of Simon)
If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will (courtesy
of Barry)
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too? (courtesy of Charles)
If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave (courtesy of Phil)
If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure.
I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
I'll Tennessee You In My Dreams
I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
I'm Gonna Put a Aar in the Back of my Car and Drive Myself
to Drink
From the album "Fear of Frying" by a Marin County
(California) band called"Eggs Over Easy", around 1968
(courtesy of Mark)
I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail
I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey (courtesy of Mandy)
I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised.
I'm Under The Table Over You (courtesy of Buddy)
It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost
Corral.
I've Got the Cob, If You've Got the Corn (courtesy of
Marvin)
I've Got $5 And It's Saturday Night
It Ain't Easy Being Easy (courtesy of Pamela)
It's Not the High Cost of Living, It's the Cost of Living
High (courtesy of Buddy)
I Would Kiss You Through the Screendoor but It'd Strain Our
Love (courtesy of David)
Jim, I Wore A Tie Today
Lay Something On My Bed Besides A Blanket
Make Me Late For Work Today.
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Baby's Head)
(Conflicting submissions on this blues tune - anyone??)
Get the hammer Mama, There's a Head on Papa's Fly (Now
that's the best one yet)
Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus.
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John
Was Breaking My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
My Phone Ain't been Ringing, so I Guess it Wasn't You
My Red Neck, My White Socks, and My Blue Ribbon Beer
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
(courtesy of Charles)
Nashville Rash
Occasional Wife
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping
Down, But Baby I Can See Through You (courtesy of Charles)
Our Love is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain't the Same
(courtesy of Ned)
Overlonely and Underkissed
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill (courtesy of Charles)
Phantom Of The Opry
Pick Me Up On Your Way Down
Poultry Promenade
Queen Of My Double-Wide Trailer
Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
Refried Dreams
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight.
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft (courtesy of
Charles)
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger (courtesy of Charles)
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart (courtesy
of Charles)
She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas (courtesy of
James)
She's Actin' Single..... I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty (courtesy of
Charles)
She's Got the Rhythm (And I Got the Blues)
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You.
The Bridge Washed Out and I Can't Swim and My Baby's On the
Other Side
The Last Word in Lonesome is Me
The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
The Pint Of No Return.
There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All
My Lovin' For You (courtesy of Atley)
There's A Tear In My Beer
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From
Breakin' Out (courtesy of Charles)
Tight Fittin' Jeans
Trainwreck Of Emotion
Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother
by Jerry Jeff Walker "Great Gonzos" (courtesy of Ed)
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart (courtesy of Charles)
Waitin' In Your Welfare Line
Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In.
What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made a Loser Out of Me
Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?
Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?
Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
Why Did You Leave the One You Left Me For? (courtesy of the
Johnson family)
Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw
by Jimmy Buffett "All the Great Hits" (courtesy of Karen,
James & Ed)
Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?
Yard Sale
You can Lock Me Up in Jail & Throw Away the Key, But You
Can't Keep My Face from Breaking Out
by Randy Scruggs (courtesy of Dave )
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too.
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
(courtesy of Charles)
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life
(courtesy of Charles)
Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns.
You're a Hangnail on my Heart and I' m Gonna Cut You Off
You're a Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch (courtesy of
Susan)
You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation.
You're Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly (courtesy of Charles)
You've Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw
Dirt In My Face? by The Louvin Brothers (courtesy of Art)
80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper
And my personal, all-time fave:
Get Your Tongue Out Of My
Mouth, Because I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
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